08-21-2008, 12:21 PM
How to be attractive to people when you are neither handsome nor beautiful? How to attract people not by your appearance, but by your attitude towards them? First, you need to learn to embrace (mentally) issues raised by people, and confront neither people nor the issues raised by them.
Once I entered a room where a woman had a class on the following topic:"Debating skills". She started bombarding me with various questions. I felt like being under cross fire from every directions. All her questions had a nuance of confrontation. And that was fine with me. The problem though was that the woman missed to show her nice side, namely her emotional intelligence. She just was in the mood of fighting. Little she realized that debating skills doesn't exclude friendly conversation.
Confronting people and issues is a reactive approach (high energy spending and little rationale approach). WE should look both at people and at any question, situation, problem etc. in a friendly way.
We should embrace gently an issue and turn it step by step into an intelligent solution both for us and for other people. If it’s not an intelligent resolution, then it’s a useless struggle, a fight. But any unreasonable struggle (not for a high cause) takes a lot out of you, because it doesn't inspire.
Why do we need to learn this skill? Because the alternative is: people are hurt, issues are unsolved and you are unsatisfied. Have you felt that way, when you had a reactive approach to people and situations?
Once I entered a room where a woman had a class on the following topic:"Debating skills". She started bombarding me with various questions. I felt like being under cross fire from every directions. All her questions had a nuance of confrontation. And that was fine with me. The problem though was that the woman missed to show her nice side, namely her emotional intelligence. She just was in the mood of fighting. Little she realized that debating skills doesn't exclude friendly conversation.
Confronting people and issues is a reactive approach (high energy spending and little rationale approach). WE should look both at people and at any question, situation, problem etc. in a friendly way.
We should embrace gently an issue and turn it step by step into an intelligent solution both for us and for other people. If it’s not an intelligent resolution, then it’s a useless struggle, a fight. But any unreasonable struggle (not for a high cause) takes a lot out of you, because it doesn't inspire.
Why do we need to learn this skill? Because the alternative is: people are hurt, issues are unsolved and you are unsatisfied. Have you felt that way, when you had a reactive approach to people and situations?
