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Jokes and humor about tourism
#1
You ca place in this rubric the jokes you know or heard about toursim.

Joke:
wife: honey, I'm so tired, we're already walking for two hours!
husband: be patient darling, we'll halt soon.
wife: No! The knapsack rubbed my shoulders, my sneakers are pinching, the sun is heating!
husband: And what can I do for you?
wife: Could you jump out of the knapsack? Smile
"I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex." Smile

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#2
How did it happened that Columb wanted to visit India, but found himself in America?
answer:
Travel agent's promotion Smile
"I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex." Smile

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#3
A call to a tourism agency:
- Hello, can you tell me what resorts are considered the best in Egypt?
- Hudarga, Charm El Sheyh, Noveyba...
- Stop, stop, stop. Nuveyba doesn't suit. Thank you, I'm doing a crossword puzzle!
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

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#4
A girl packs her bag for Cyprus:
- Ahhhhh, I should take bikini... what else? Oh, bikini! ahhhhh... what else! Of course - bikini!!!
Her mother: Honey, take with at least a tent.
The girl: Don't worry mom, if I take bikinis I'll have not only a tent, but also a hotel, a car...
Smile
“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”
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#5
- I heard you grew rich, how did you do that?
- Pure and simple! I've been carried tourists to an island. So, the trip there costed 100 dollars, but the return one - 400 dollars.
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#6
A group of tourists in a museum is looking at a statue, under which there is a plate "The winner". The statue has no hands, legs or head. A tourist says:
- I can't imagine how the loser looks like...
“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”
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#7
During an excursion on Lochness River a tourist asks:
- Excuse me, when does the monster usually appear?
- After the fifth glass of wine.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

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#8
A woman and her daughter arrived to Scotland. While walking on the street her daughter casted glances at the local men. Her mother tells her:
- My dear, stop staring at each skirt!
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#9
A tourist got lost in the wood. Certainly he meets a bear there. The bear asks him:
- Who are you?
- I'm a tourist.
- You're lying, I am a tourist, and you are the tourist's meal!
"I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex." Smile

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#10
A Korean in New York saw a post "HotDog" and was glad, since he understood that you can also eat dogs in New York. He gives money to the seller and says "one portion of hot dog please". The seller gives him the hotdog - one sausage in a roll. The Korean stares at the sausage, gives it back to the seller and says "Give me another part of the dog please"

:haha
“Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.”
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#11
A man tells to his friend:
- I owe the best years of my life to the Carpathians...
- What are you talking about? You've never even been there!
- Right, but my wife goes there almost every season ....
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

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#12
In a train:
- I'm sorry, I believe you have taken my sit.
- Hmm, is this your sit? Can you prove that?
- Sure, I've left an icecream on it.
"I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex." Smile

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#13
An American, travelling in Europe (asks the driver):
- Where are we?
- In Paris, sir.
- I don't need details, I mean what country?
“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”
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#14
A passenger in a plane stares through the window and suddenly called the stewardess:
- I'm sorry are we off the course?
- No, we are flying as we should.
- But I only see snow and taiga down there!
- No, relax. These are Russians, they celebrate the New Year...
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#15
A tourist asks a local guy:
- Does anything work in your town after 7 PM?
- Sure, the police station!
“Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.”
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#16
A manager of a travel agency tries to attract a costumer - a rich businessmen, who wants to go to south Africa for hunting:
- Imagine, you're driving a Jeep, you hold an optical hunting rifle in your hands, a blond sits to your left, a brunette to your right...
- OK, OK, I understood, said the businessmen. Nothing different from my job...
“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”
A really nice forum for Parisians
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#17
On airliner board, the stewardess tells passengers:
- Welcome to your first flight in the world's most modern airliner AH-500. This airliner includes: 2 swimming pools, restaurants, cinemas, casinos and 3 bowling clubs. And now, we'll try to take off with all this stuff...
“Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.”
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#18
In London, during a thick fog a tourist got lost. He suddenly saw hazily a man approaching her. The tourist asked:
- Mister, where am I heading now?
- To Thames.
- Are you sure?
- Positive. I just got out of it.
“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”
A really nice forum for Parisians
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#19
In airplane (stewardess):
- Dear passengers, we are about to take off now. Our pilot is a great sportsman, a sports master of 1st class in parachute jumping.
“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”
A really nice forum for Parisians
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#20
Caller: How far is Boston from Toronto?
Counselor: About 900 kilometers, or 565 miles.
Caller: So if I drive using miles, it won't take me as long to get there? Is that what you're saying?
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#21
Tourism in Australia:
Question: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?(USA)
Answer: Depends how much you've been drinking.
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#22
I have to be at this address in Vancouver for dinner at 5 o'clock this evening. How much time should I allow myself to drive there? :mrgreen:

Visitor: How far is it to Lake Louise?
Staff member: 40 miles
Visitor: How long is the trail?
Staff member: Five kilometers.
Visitor: What's that in English?
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#23
Which way do we walk to get to Montreal? We'd like to go there for lunch. :mrgreen:
From the information kiosk at Niagara Falls, Ontario:
Is the water coming over the falls real?
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#24
A person checks into a hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room. Five minutes later he calls the desk and say, "You`ve given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?" The desk clerk says, "Sir, that`s absurd. Have you looked for the door?"The person says, " Well, there`s one door that leads to the bathroom. There`s a second door that goes into the closet. And there`s a door I haven`t tried, but it has a "do not disturb" sign on it."


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