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“Innocent Self-Deception ?” – Article
#1
“Innocent Self-Deception ?” – Article

Many people, especially during times of big changes or after, get into a mental disposition of “Self-deception”. They don’t know what their role should be under changed circumstances. This article shows how to deal with this problem.


Even though Alexander got a good education, became a doctor, he was never satisfied. He wanted more. The profession of a doctor became too insignificant in his eyes, because it didn’t go along with his dominant idea to be up. In a sense his dominant idea erased his former dream he had in his youth to become a doctor and cure people. But when a person tries to go up at all cost he can lose the contact with the reality. That’s exactly what happened to Alexander. He became a dreamer. And a dreamer collects what he is sowing – just fantasies.

We can not say that Alexander was lazy or that he didn’t put some efforts towards achieving his dream. For instance, Alexander started to work on improving his public speaking skills. He knew that a more elevated speech belongs to people from a higher class. He tried to learn some selected poems and stories, which would help him to impress people. In other words he was building his “arsenal”, which according to his thinking was important to bring him closer to the fulfillment of his dream. Meanwhile the time was passing and Alexander began to forget his profession of a doctor, which once provided him and his family with the necessary means of life. In his run for his dream Alexander’s mind lost connection with the reality. Instead of focusing on what he really could do, Alexander started building “castles in the air”. Meanwhile outside him was the world driven by the principles of competition, ambition and pride. It is not hard to imagine what were the next steps undertaken by our ambitious Alexander. He began borrowing money from anybody he could, just to create the appearance that he lived his dream. But soon enough he got in the biggest trouble possible. Alexander borrowed money from a gang member and was threatened to be bitten up. Instead of working, returning to his profession and doing something to provide for his family, he was desperately hoping that a fortune will fall from the sky. But nothing was falling. And Alexander was going down into a bigger trouble. Thoughts about his worthlessness began to infiltrate into his mind. He came to the dramatic point in his life of not believing in himself.

As our reader saw from Alexander’s life, everything began with an apparently innocent self-deception. And because self-deception was always with him, because it “dwelled” in his mind, it deepened and deepened further. At one point Alexander even yelled: “Who will cure my soul?” But this was a rhetorical question, because he didn’t want to listen advises. Why? It was because everything that didn’t harmonize with his dominant idea had no value for him. “Only a weak person renounces his idea! » - kept repeating Alexander. But the truth was that the wrong dominant idea could kill even a strong person. It was so simple, but not for Alexander.


What is the real problem with people like Alexander?
And what are the roots of self deception? The fact of the matter is that some people live sweet dreams all their lives. In their minds they could consider themselves “the greatest of people”, but in reality they lost gradually their dignity. So what at first looked like an innocent self-deception turned out to be a serious personal problem.
What is the solution for these kind of people? The solution is simple. They need to humble themselves and start with small things. They need to do what they really can do under given circumstances. They need to open themselves to external advise, otherwise they will scream helplessly like Alexander: “Who will cure my soul?”, but they will not recognize the answer offered to them.
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#2
That was a sad story.
Everybody is compromised by self-deception. It all starts in the young age, maybe 16-17 when people begin to live independently their lives.
It's good to have a certain big goal, but don't forget that this goal must be real to achieve. If it's almost impossible, the achievement must be made step by step, patiently.
“Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.”
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#3
I once had a similar period in my life, when I did nothing but dream - I was thinking about how good the life could be. But I did nothing in this respect, and I became lazy. Fortunately this period passed over and now I am happy to be conscious and achieve the small goals I envisage.
"I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex." Smile

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#4
The story is about real life situation and real person. The article tries to make people aware of this kind of situations. We don't want people to repeat our mistakes and lose precious time.
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#5
what happened by the end with Alexander, did the gang find him?
If I was him, I would try to find a few jobs for covering my loans.
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#6
I left to the reader to figure out what could have happened to him.
The purpose of this real life story is to learn a principle from it:" An apparently innocent self-deception could lead to a disaster, especially when it lasts".
In other words, don't dwell on self -deceptive thoughts, it could ruin your life.
We don't want anybody to risk the life as Alexander did.
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#7
How can we further avoid self-deception. I mean theoretically it sounds clear - do not dream too much. But sometimes this is the life that puts you in this situation, and you are swallowed by circumstances.
"I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex." Smile

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#8
I met Andrei in the USA. Life "put him in the situation" to leave Russia and to move to USA. Anyway, he needed a lot of money to live in a new country. Andrei decided to invest in USA companies' stocks.
The result ? He lost everything, both his money and the money he borrowed. Alltogether his debt reached the amount of about fourty thousand dollars. Only after he got in a big debt trouble, Andrew started to study books on investment. He told me that after his total failure as an investor, he started to read and completed to study about feefteen investment books.

Andrew 's biggest self-deception was that he considered himself an investment expert, before really studying and inderstanding how investment really works.

So, first step in avoiding self-deception is understanding that self-deception usually comes when pressure arises: money pressure, marriage pressure etc.
Second step, never take rush decisions when you are under pressure.
Third, always look for councel from very experienced people in the field and listen to them.
Fourth, learn and study the material reffering to the field in which you want to develop your activity, untill you are fully convinced you really know it.
Fifth, act in accordance with aquired knowledge and principles.

If you think that it's too much time to follow all these steps, consider the next Andrew's statement: "I lost not only money but a lot of time in vain. I should have studied investment from the very beginning"
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#9
so the best way is to avoid self-deception is to be informed about the things you are doing. I agree, that's right. Especially if it concerns the financial area, we should understand that this is a great risk.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

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#10
Thomas Jefferson quote sheds light on the discussed subject: "No nation is permitted to live in ignorance with impunity".

The above truth could be applied not only to nations.
What do you think?
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#11
hmmm, everybody make mistakes and certainly we should be responsible for them. But, sometimes mistakes are not made by purpose. This is where this quote is not available
“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”
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#12
I see what you mean. Yes, there is a difference.
Nevertheless, though indirectly, the quote is applicable even in those cases.
Why ? Because this quote makes us aware about the need to learn, to have a drive for knowledge and, thus, prepare in advance for various life situations. For example, who is less prone to make mistakes: the one who took early actions to fight ignorance, or the one who didn't do anything in this regard?

Disregard for human rights and basic freedoms, led the North America to the civil war. Thomas Jefferson understood that the human ignorance is responsible for this. That's why he cared in advance for the future generations of americans, by contributing to the famous Declaration of Independence. Some words from this Declaration protect us today from making mistakes. For example, what do you think about these words from the Declaration of Independence: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness" ?
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#13
The declaration is good. But regardless of the quantity of words said in this respect, humans will never be equal. Humans are born with different possibilities (depending on the parents, country etc.). One may claim many times he has the same rights as the president, but it's different in practical manner.
"I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex." Smile

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#14
Yes, this is true regarding possibilities. But we all are equal as regards our rights.
If someone conveys us the thought that people are not born equal and we buy it, than it is the biggest self-deception. Self-deception begins when we accept a wrong view. And this self-deception is not at all innocent, because it could lead to the civil war, or wars in general, as it was the case in the North America about 200 years ago.
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#15
We are talking now about a democracy of actions and way of thinking. That's good, but there are areas where we are not so experienced. For example we just need (especially about boys) that the relatives tell their opinion about the person you love. So if they tell you that the person you love doesn't worth you and you don't wanna hear that, you are blind to see these things.
“Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.”
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#16
Self-deceptions in these areas happen so often. The main reason is that young people get inticed by outward appearances of the opposite sex. Now, when to the person's image and self-image is given such great importance, it is more and more difficult not to be deceived or self-deceived. So the first advice to young people is don't be mislead by the first impression, by the outward appearance. Refuse to buy it. Give yourself time to really know the person and don't allow emotions to guide your thinking. I mean, balance your emotions with the work of your intellect.

A few words about ability to see. We can see things not only with our physical eyes. We can see things with the "eyes of our mind" too. For example, the person's pursuits, goals and motivation could be seen only in this way. But how to do this, is the subject of another discussion.
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#17
yeah, just like in the movie "What women want?" starring Mell Gibson. I would also lie to read women's minds! Smile
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#18
But, in the final analysis the hero (actor Mell Gibson) of this movie
found out more what is in the mind of the woman (his boss) after he fell in love with her.
He got to know what kind of person she really was. So communication, a sincere one, and a dramatic situation revealed to him who she really was. He understood this, that's why he wanted to return back to the normal self.
So, there is no need to lie and there is no need to find out what is in the mind of all women. All that really matters is to have a real mutual understanding with the girl or woman you love. When the hero (the role played by Mell Gibson) discovered this, he became a really happy person.

So many people self- deceived themselves, like Mell's hero did, thinking that if they get para-normal qualities, they would be happier. This is self-deception. Instead they need to learn how to be happy with their normal qualities of a normal human being. This is the lesson of the movie, don't you think?
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#19
that's correct. However, in the real world, things would look differently than in the way exposed by the movie. If a man could read women's mind, it's hardly possible he would ever refuse this ability.
“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”
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#20
I appreciate your thought.

But let's ask ourselves:"Is it a self deception to think that reading women minds is an innocent gift?". Reading other people's minds will be the privacy intrusion, which is not ethical in itself! The movie showed that such people have a tendency to stole ideas and lie, misusing this "gift". Who would like to feel himself/herself a theft, a liar and an unethical person and be happy at the same time, and sleep peacefully at nights with all that weight on the consciousness?

So, I think in real life people will want to get rid of this so called gift. Why? Because they will not resist the psychological, moral, ethical and spiritual pressure. In the movie Mell felt that he was going out of his mind. That's how everyone would feel be in Mell's shoes. Imagine being in a group of fifty women and all their thoughts, - positive and negative, - crossing your mind. How would you feel? Have you given a thought to the above mentioned question?
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#21
I think at least a year should pass before one would like to get rid of this gift. By the way, do you think there are such people who can read other's thoughts directly from the mind?
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#22
This is interesting question. And I will tell you why? Directly people can not read other people minds. But close communication can reveal the line of thoughts of other person. In this case there exist some astonishing intuition and guessing of other people thoughts. For instance, lovers can communicate sometimes with half words and half phrases. But not direct reading.
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#23
when I was a kid my father tricked me he can read my mind. This way he taught me not to think negatively.
"I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex." Smile

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