Stupid Patents

[Laurentine]

Smokers Hat
A hat with an air intake, which filters and then expels the air. Looks pretty much like wearing the exhaust hood for a stove on your head.
Pillow with retractable umbrella
A pillow, with a built-in umbrella to protect the user from the sun. Somehow the idea of having a tanned body and a ghostly white head doesn't appeal to me, but whatever floats your boat.

[Lorry]

Animal Ear Protection
A device for protecting the ears of animals, especially long-haired dogs, from becoming soiled by the animal's food while the animal is eating. Ok, your pet might look better without dirty hair, but it's going to look pretty dumb wearing this thing. :mrgreen:

[Martin]

Carry All Hat
This is a patent for a patently ugly hat that not only contains a space to carry your cosmetics, keys, and assorted other things that ladies carry in their purses, but it also has ear muffs. This would be perfect for the young lady who likes nightclubbing in winter but doesn't want to carry a purse.