IS POINTING TO AN EXAMPLE A GOOD THINS?

[euigorwithyou]

Pointing to a good example could be very bad. Yes, phrases like “your brother did better than you”, “your brother has finished his homework” could have a negative effect. In which kind of situations it is bad?

Consider the following. You invested in your elder son more time, energy and education. You didn’t have enough time to give to your younger son. So, you point to the elder son, each time the younger one is under performing. Is it fair? Besides, what do you expect? Progress? So, the solution for this situation is to prepare the solid basis for the younger brother to do well. And only then you may point to a good example of the elder one.

This is applicable to us too. In order to avoid disappointment, let’s not compare us with others. It could be not fair to us.

[Benn]

People grow in different circumstances, places, among different people, parents, friends. Each of the relative/friend is a part of a person. That's why we shouldn't compare anybody to anyone because it simply discourages him.

[M.Helen]

well I can say that pointing to a good example is very good incentive for one to strive for realizing the goal. I don't know about others, but I, myself, I don't like when somebody is telling me "look at him, he did greater than you". BUT, it makes me act faster and reach the same goals as the person I was compared to.

[utterlyadrift24]

I think it factors down to how the example is being used. If you state the example in a negative and angry manner (to the younger brother, for example), I think you will make the younger one feel inferior and it will be counter effective, since the younger brother will only feel that he is being frowned upon and ridiculed for his constant under achievement. Either way it is still unfair, parents should always treat all the children equally because it creates some serious inferiority complexes.

I have seen this in one of my cousins. She is given less attention because she is older (the opposite to what you have said) and I suppose she feels more lonely and less loved than her younger brother who seems to get all the attention. She doesn't feel positive from the moment she wakes up so how is she to perform well if she wakes up in a negative frame of mind?